“Oh man, did I miss him puke?”

mile_year3

Biggest takeaway from this year’s event: all you have to do to get half of Rochester to write you poetry is to just schedule a beer mile. This is powerful information.

The 2018 iteration of the Memorial Mile took place at Black Creek Park, running around the pond on the southern end of the northern end of the park (so the middle end of the park?). It was a beautiful morning, if not winter-in-Rochester cold.

I want to thank everybody who came and participated, extending a special thank you to the people who helped out. Laura, Jon, Mel, and Corinne all helped out with timing, awards, and various other tasks, and without them, this event wouldn’t have been the same.

Okay, let’s get to the results. The course, as it was last year, was run on snowy, icy ground, devolving to slushy mud around the backstretch. It also measured long, like last year. Each lap was almost exactly one third of a mile, so runners ran three laps to a mile. This means that in the challenge mile, people only did three rounds of challenges, rather than the usual four.

 

Results of the open mile:

  1. Scotie Jacobs – 6:34
  2. Jamie Hobbs – 6:35
  3. Jason Vidmar – 7:33
  4. Matt Bertrand – 7:35
  5. Jon Griffiths – 8:03
  6. Mike Meynadasy – 8:37
  7. John Green – 8:41
  8. Abby McCarthy – 9:35

DNF – Chris O’Brien, Liam O’Brien, Riley O’Brien

DNS – Jeff Green, and like 50 other people

 

Results of the challenge mile:

  1. Scotie Jacobs – 8:40 – Beer*
  2. Jamie Hobbs – 9:09 – Beer
  3. Jeff Green – 9:47 – Beer
  4. Abby McCarthy – 10:13 – Beer Lite
  5. John Green – 10:58 – Jumbles
  6. Jason Vidmar – 11:00 – Beer/Rock Salt Carry/He also had a wheelbarrow?????????
  7. Mike Meynadasy – 12:59 – Beer
  8. Jon Griffiths – 13:52 – Beer/Phone Call

*It is important to note that, in addition to notching a double win, Scotie also was the only participant to drink a full four beers over the duration of the challenge mile

 

The price for race registration this year was a poem, and I received dozens of entries. This was an excellent extra dimension of participation in the event, and while I won’t include it all in this post (hopefully, I’ll put it all in a subsequent entry), one poem stood out clearly from the others, winning the award for Best Poem in a landslide victory. Set to the tune of “Ice Ice Baby”, this is “Ice Ice Valone”, by Chris O’Brien:

 

Yo, R-O-C, Let’s kick it!!!!
Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby
All right stop, Collaborate and listen
Valone is back with my brand new invention
Trails grab a hold of me tightly
run with my LonePeaks daily and nightly
(Will I ever stop?)
Hell no
Turn off the lights and I’ll glow
At RSG, sweep the course like a vandal
Light up the trails, I run the 12 hour candle.
GRASS, and sneakers go boom
fillin your brain like a Speedway restroom.
Deadly, when I take a dope selfie (write a dope memory?)
Anyone mess with my dress it’s a felony
Love it or leave it, You better gain way
better see a groundhog, 8 hours don’t play

If there is a ultra, Yo, I’m involved in it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
(Check out the ROC while Eagan  )

[Ice Ice Baby Valone, likes Ice Ice Baby… Valone
Ice Ice Baby Valone, likes Ice Ice Baby… Valone
Ice Ice Baby Valone, likes Ice Ice Baby… Valone]
Now that the trails are jumping
With the race kicked in, the runners are runnin’
Quick to the aid, to the aid no faking
Better have Ice and a pound of bacon
Burning it, if you treat’it as simple
I go crazy if the aids not ample
got that, bring soup in my tempo.
I’m on a roll and it’s time to go solo
[ Rollin ] Muh-FA-MTL) …
ultrasignup now so my race can grow
The runners on standby, Waiting just to say Hi

[Did you stop?]  No — I just ran by
Kept on … running to the bag drop
I busted a left and I’m heading to the rest stop
My watch was dead
Yo — so I continued to run all DAY

Runners hot wearing shorts like bikinis
Not me suckas, hangin’ at my kneesies
Jealous ’cause my finish is fine
Stay all day,  screamin at the line



Hoodie, hangs on the wall
Lisa’s ill cuz it smells like a horse stall
TShirts hanged out so I can sell
Better buy nine, I’m broke as hell
Jammers, spend my money real fast
Eat pizza logs, then I get gas
Bumper to bumper the Speedway’s packed
Gotta use my points save on gas
(Lisa’s my Queen, know what I mean)
(She snatched me up, hot off the date scene


If there is a ultra, Yo, I’m involved in it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
(Check out the ROC while Eagan ….)

[Ice Ice Baby Valone likes Ice Ice Baby Valone
Ice Ice Baby Valone likes Ice Ice Baby Valone]

Take heed, ’cause I’m a lyrical poet
Memoirs on Facebook case you didn’t know it
My town, the best trails around
(TrailsRoc app miles around)
(Vice Pres is gettin ill)
(Cuz the roc got vision n feel)
Non-profit and orange, This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step
With this. Greenways all day,  
(No I’m not injured, just can’t see a trail blaze)
So flat — other runners say, “scram”
runnin’s my drug, I’ll see you at the Dam)
Keep my composure when it’s time to get GOOSED
Zimas the choice when I kick my juice.

If there is a ultra, Yo, I’m involved in it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it
(Check out the ROC while Eagan ….)

Ice Ice Baby Valone likes Ice Ice Baby Valone
Ice Ice Baby Valone likes Ice Ice Baby Valone

Yo man — Let’s get out of here! Word to your mother!
Ice Ice Baby Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold
Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold

 

Being the audio wizard that he is, Chris didn’t just offer lyrics – this is a fully mixed audio track that exists in this world. I recommend you go to extreme lengths to acquire it. I’m not saying that you should steal his toucan shorts and hold them hostage, but I am saying he would probably give you access to this tune in exchange for their safe return.

Thanks as always – I like putting this event on, and the past few years have been very educational. I’ve got a lot of ideas for next year. Hope to see you there!

Be awesome.

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